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She remembered the day her son Teddie had brought Charlie home. They'd just moved into an apartment after selling the house he'd been born in. She'd done it for the worst reason of all, to try to hang on to a new man she'd just met and with whom her son had, at best, a nervous relationship. It seemed as though she just couldn't stop making mistakes, and now this. She remembered her last days in the house, how she'd walked out and never looked back and how she hadn't been able to drive by it for the longest time, long after the man had gone, long after Charlie had died and been reborn at least a dozen more times. read review Noticing at first that I was completely exhausted from staying in the protective fight or flight mode, I began to question whether or not I could handle this responsibility. I went through a journey of emotions from anger to shame. How could I be a babysitter when I had a business to run and a life of my own? What did I do to deserve this punishment? These were thoughts that took residence in my mind during the first months. The questions continued and I kept dodging them. Finally he dismissed me with a frustrated wave of his hand. I went back through the corridor that Li-Li had led me earlier, but I didn't see her when I returned to the bar. In fact, I never saw her again nor did I ever return to the Shadow Bar. After a year at Ohio University and a summer working at a buy vacuum truck assembly plant in Wayne, Michigan, I returned to my home in South Amherst and took a job with the Nordson Company as a tool & die maker's apprentice. I'd never been in a fraternity in college and only had one brother, so I never had to prove much in my lifetime. No initiation rights, crazy acts of bravado. Not even tested in war or proven to be a man. Sure, I've had some success in business, but sitting in that truck with a man like Harvey just brought all those male hormones to the front burner. Hot or mild. Just what kind of chile man was I to become? A couple of guys that had graduated from high school with me picked me up at the end of my afternoon shift, and we went drinking in Lorain. We ended up in Hannah's Bar on North Broadway just a couple of blocks south of Lake Erie. See, when my dad had his injury, all of the resentment, rage and shame I was feeling as a full time nanny, just melted away. When I see my dad taking steps with shaking knees, just like my granddaughter, I know that God has given me a great job. I am an angel, who teaches the art of walking in the face of fear.